One Day Closer to Death

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaack. I have just got back from hiking in the shenandoah valley. What a trip. I would definitely give up everything to do that for the rest of my life. I have A LOT of time to think about the peon of life that I live. I am glad I went; I got away from all this shit of society. It is a place to relax and become one wit the earth again. It rained everyday I was there, but that is ok, I made it through. I finally got a fresh breath of air, of life, before I go away for July. I am slowly making progress over this break up, it starting to become a distant memory, and I am slowly regaining grips with reality, and my pity of a life. I am happy. The hate is still there, but I am learning to channel it into other places. When I was out last Saturday with my friends I heard another good band. They are going to be at warped tour but not going to be on tour when they come to DC. Underoath is the band; you should go and check them out. Yes, Yes, Yes screamo, my favorite. I am listening to other bands, like poison the well, but I seem to be into these guys right now. Well Tuesday night my bro, my two dogs and I drove to Compton gap and we camped out that night and had a taste of some good herbage. He and I talked for a while and I am glad he came the first night, just someone to chill with and shot the shit. Lets see, some of you had comments about my last entry, I thought it was pretty fuckin funny. My response is, it is all truth and how I feel at this moment in my life. If it offends, or hurts your feelings, fuck off, I don’t give a fuck, that is a thimble head of the pain I feel everyday I wake up. I do look into the mirror each day and ask myself, what is going to keep me alive today, why not take my life so easily and no one will know? But while I was hiking I am the only one to keep me alive. I am going to do what the fuck I want. Fuck everyone who doesn’t want to go a long for the ride. I am have pretty much developed a fuck uped point of view, but I feel happy. And I did realize that there will no one else who will have my heart, ever, ever again. I have made that decision, for everyone in this fucked up and so called society wears masks to hide how they feels about everyone and everything, I have chosen to expose myself true self to everyone, a hateful, dark, suicidal fucked up person. And whatever comes from it comes form it. No one wants such a person. God it feels good to be alive with this hate, and anger, knowing, it is all for a good reason that I will, and mark my words I will pay society back is some way or another. Wow I had three beers and I am tipsy, awesome, I thought I would be angry, just like every other time I have been drunk, I was angry and pissed off about it all, and I would quickly be depressed again, wanting to walk off of a bridge hoping my body would hit some jagged rocks, and I lay there suffer with multiple injuries, as my black blood drains from my body. Lol how sweet, it should be a Valentines Day cards. You make so soo fuckin sick, you stupid fuckin cunt, I want to cut you to pieces and eat your flesh for dinner and fuck you dead body. Beautiful words. LOL. God I love my mind so perfect for only one person, me. I wrote this one thing a while ago, I think this started the madness, but I thought I should share this shit I wrote about three years ago.

Walking down a dark path and getting attacked. The attacker had a knife and plunges the cold steel into your abdomen. You shake at first seeing everything in life pass before your eyes, but then you start to fill with anger and rage and hit him. He falls to the ground and you rip the knife from your bloody stomach. Your veins fill with adrenaline, and you stare at him, thinking about torture. Your start cut each one of his fingers off. As he screams in pain you laugh, enraging you more. After you are done cutting his fingers off, he starts to go into shock, oh the pleasure you get from this. You say to yourself, maybe he needs a little surgery. You cut open abdominal cavity and slice through his diaphragm like a hot knife through butter. You find his heart and rip it closely out of his chest. As it stills beats in your hands you take a bite out of it. It tastes so good and so you eat the rest of it. And when you go to take his liver out, you wake up, turn on the light, run to the mirror and see that there is blood all around your mouth and on your hands. Was it all a dream or are you insane?

Ahh what an entry huh? Well I think I will leave this entry with a quote from on of my favorite bands:

I'll attack someone with a switchblade knife, So that I can see their painI choose to be a serial killer, 'Cause the victims don't get any fame. – Senses Fail