Random thoughts colliding into one big Mush

Well I figure I post something. I just recently got married to a beautiful woman Jennifer. I am sooo fuckin happy that I found somebody. Yes somebody who cares about me puts up with my childish outbursts, someone to hold and to fight for and care for, and grow old with. If you asked me a year and a half ago if I would find someone, I would have told you no and would tell you that I just want to fuckin die. I was close, closer then anyone knows to committing suicide because I couldn’t take anymore pain or put anyone else through the pain. Only one person knows how close I was, her name is Jennifer. My best friend, my companion my souls mate. The woman that has changed me and taught me how to act like a grownup instead of a child. I honestly was some days asking myself, why me? Why did you pick me? Why do you want be? I know I am not damaged goods or broken, I am just stubborn. I used to ask myself this question for the first couple of months with her because I thought it was too good to be true. That I found someone to love fully and completely and to give my heart to them and let them do whatever. I told Jennifer she was one, from the beginning, I also told her that she is the last one, that if this didn’t last or make it that I would be gone from this earth and everyone’s company for good. Not a threat just a decision I made. And now look, we are married and happy as ever. It sucks being alone without your loved one. I now know how most people feel. It sucks and it is a test, a test that proves that I am worthy and that I can keep my dick in my pants. That I DO love her even though there are some people out there that said “It is too soon to get married.” “You two are not ready for this big step.” Well guess what fuck you all. I have proven them wrong yet again. And to the people that have helped m along the way, mike, Chad, Randy, Nancy, Neal. I couldn’t have done it without you guys, telling you my fears and thoughts and you telling me how to fix them. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I guess this means now I can’t get depressed anymore, I can’t think stupid thoughts because I have someone that cares for me and wants me to be there every step of the way. And I cant make childish comments like, you will regret it when I am gone, or I just want to die, because now I am holding someone else’s heart in my hands and I must care for it, like my own. As I sit here listen to silverstein acoustic shedding a tear thinking of my baby so far away, I now why Neal was soo angry and how bad it hurts him. I just sit here in my melancholy state drinking alone with my friend depression and sorrow and wallow in my own pity waiting for my wife to come and take me away from all of this. I love you Jennifer.