Another electronic death due to Halo 2

Two wireless headsets, four wired headsets and three controllers have been destroyed while I am playing halo 2. This game makes me sooo fuckin mad, yet I keep playing because it is soo much fun to talk trash and beat peoples asses. This next purchase of a headset will be the final headset I EVER buy for halo 2. Because once this one breaks it is all over for voice on the game. GOD DAMN FUCKIN HALO 2 I FUCKIN HATE YOU!!

6 Months to Go

She is gone, my wife, my best friend, my shrink, my companion, the woman and I love lying next to in bed every night, the woman that I can get into a fight with and be over it in a matter of thirty minutes, the future mother of my children, THE ONE, the woman from the first kiss that I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the woman that puts up with my crap and childish games, the woman that has the most patience in the whole entire world, the woman that I love waking up to in the morning, the woman that I love running my hands through her hair, the woman that I CAN NOT stand to be away from, my wife, Jennifer. As I sit here in tears, thinking about you nonstop, this is fuckin hard, no fuckin joke. I cried on the back from the airport. I was listening to the acoustic version of Call it Karma by Silverstein. I just cried, and I didn’t hold it in like I have done with her before. It just hurt too much, its still hurts, I miss her. I miss her like no other woman I have ever been with; I know for me it has sunk in that she is MY WIFE. That she is the one I will be with for the rest of my life. I am still crying, I came home and hugged Ginger, and layed in bed. Smelling the pillow, smelling the fragrance that she left behind and the air is slowing carrying away that smell. I didn’t think it would be soo hard, I didn’t know I would end up like this today. I don’t know what triggered this but, wow. I just want her to come back to me, for good. I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to be away, and I don’t want to be far apart because “someone” said so. Fuck them. This hurts sooooo much more then any other time, then anything I have ever experienced. I don’t want to function, I want to roll up in bed and wait for her to come back to me, to save me. I just want to hide in the closet in the corner and wait it out. I sit here crying, thinking about all of the good times we had while she was down here, how she made me coffee every morning, how she was soo patient while she injected me with lidocaine and how much of a wuss I was freaking out about a little needle. How she was soo happy when she found the house she loved and she wanted, how many times she said I love you, how many times she kissed me. I miss you Jennifer.

Random thoughts colliding into one big Mush

Well I figure I post something. I just recently got married to a beautiful woman Jennifer. I am sooo fuckin happy that I found somebody. Yes somebody who cares about me puts up with my childish outbursts, someone to hold and to fight for and care for, and grow old with. If you asked me a year and a half ago if I would find someone, I would have told you no and would tell you that I just want to fuckin die. I was close, closer then anyone knows to committing suicide because I couldn’t take anymore pain or put anyone else through the pain. Only one person knows how close I was, her name is Jennifer. My best friend, my companion my souls mate. The woman that has changed me and taught me how to act like a grownup instead of a child. I honestly was some days asking myself, why me? Why did you pick me? Why do you want be? I know I am not damaged goods or broken, I am just stubborn. I used to ask myself this question for the first couple of months with her because I thought it was too good to be true. That I found someone to love fully and completely and to give my heart to them and let them do whatever. I told Jennifer she was one, from the beginning, I also told her that she is the last one, that if this didn’t last or make it that I would be gone from this earth and everyone’s company for good. Not a threat just a decision I made. And now look, we are married and happy as ever. It sucks being alone without your loved one. I now know how most people feel. It sucks and it is a test, a test that proves that I am worthy and that I can keep my dick in my pants. That I DO love her even though there are some people out there that said “It is too soon to get married.” “You two are not ready for this big step.” Well guess what fuck you all. I have proven them wrong yet again. And to the people that have helped m along the way, mike, Chad, Randy, Nancy, Neal. I couldn’t have done it without you guys, telling you my fears and thoughts and you telling me how to fix them. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I guess this means now I can’t get depressed anymore, I can’t think stupid thoughts because I have someone that cares for me and wants me to be there every step of the way. And I cant make childish comments like, you will regret it when I am gone, or I just want to die, because now I am holding someone else’s heart in my hands and I must care for it, like my own. As I sit here listen to silverstein acoustic shedding a tear thinking of my baby so far away, I now why Neal was soo angry and how bad it hurts him. I just sit here in my melancholy state drinking alone with my friend depression and sorrow and wallow in my own pity waiting for my wife to come and take me away from all of this. I love you Jennifer.