Sad that I have this reflection, I have this realization now when I piss her off. When I push the buttons the wrong way and could possibly lose her. I admit I am quite immature when it comes to marriage. I know nothing; sometimes don’t know what to do. Well ok, I know some things, but this post and read close, this post isn’t to put myself down, it is the actual reality of it all. I pissed her, man o man I fuckin pissed her off. I effected something in her head, changed a thought process, ruined trust, you can’t deny that. I do it, no one else, I did, playing a game, a dangerous game that was fuckin stupid and I apologize. I am sorry Jennifer, it will NEVER happen again, I didn’t mean or though it would effect you this way, this much, I am truly sorry. I don’t think I will be able to say I am sorry this time and fix it, I don’t think I will be able to say I am sorry enough in a life to fix this problem. For the probably, third time in this relationship, I am truly scared, I am scared of losing her. Yes I think this is the closest I think I have come as of yet of losing Jennifer. Yes she says I will never lose her, but really she will only put up with soo much. Shit she doesn’t need my games or me. She doesn’t need it. I expect to get slapped when I arrive on Friday, if I don’t something is wrong, I expect a punch, kick, slap. This isn’t a way to get rid of it, but I know I was wrong and I am sorry. I know this won’t fix it and I will always expect a repercussion. I know, I know you won’t, but I just know how bad I fucked up and nothing to happen to me, well that is worse punishment. Don’t comment on this post, just read, that’s all you need to do. I know something is wrong, she wants to yell but wont. I feel a little distance, but do you expect. I hope and know time will only fix this, I just want to fix it now, I want her to not be mad at me anymore, and I want her to be happy that I will be there in four days. I know she is happy I am coming, but I want her to be like she was last week. I am soo sorry Jennifer, please forgive me baby.