I feel weird, inside and outside. I feel A LOT of distance from my friends, family and loved ones. Some say, you wanted to go to Texas, and I did and I am glad I am here and not in the shitty place USU. Now I have done this long distance thing before, what I mean is being away from friends and family, I was in North Carolina, without a car for two years so I am used to being alone, but this time is different, a lot different. I don’t want to talk to friends or family, I don’t want to talk to them at all, I don’t even pick up the phone when they call. I feel like I am not myself anymore, not in my mind or hands or feet or body, a lot of the times I feel like I am outside of my body watching myself at work or at home. And the depression, HA! That is just there and WILL NOT go away, nothing can bring me out. I just don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone, yes you make your bed you have to lay in it and I am laying in it. It is just all too comfortable. My dreams have turned into nightmares about me fight someone or something but never winning. Trying to run away but I am not fast enough, dreaming of something and it happens during the day. The demons are at the front door again, I am waiting on the other side ready for guns to blaze, but this time I don’t think I will be able to hold them off for good.
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